“Men prefer debt-free virgins without tattoos.”
When I saw that line, I could hardly believe what I had read. I read it again, just to make sure I hadn’t misread it the first time. I’ll be honest, the title had me hooked – I had to know just what this lady was talking about. And so began my journey into the post about how men prefer women without tattoos, who have no debt, and also are virgins. I read it again…and again…and again. I stumbled over each of these concepts in my mind, wondering, if that was truly what Christian men preferred – if they truly wanted a woman who never went to college, stayed home until she got married, had no debt, no tattoos, was a virgin without any past mistakes and was ready to be “taught” by either her spouse or the older women around her how she should act and think within the realms of the home and motherhood. After about 24 hours of lulling these things over in my mind, I turned to my husband of a year and asked him if it was true, if he had wished he had married a woman like that. Now, I was a virgin (and so was my husband), and I don’t have any tattoos (though I have my belly button pierced so I'm sure that would be close enough to a tattoo, right?), however, I went to a private Christian college, so clearly I will be swimming in debt for the rest of my natural born life. When we got married, I was tattoo-less and a virgin, but I was strapped into debt like an angry 2-year-old strapped into a car seat. I did not fit this stigma, and neither, did I realize, did many, if not all, of the women I knew in my church, or where I attended college.
The second the question slipped out of my mouth, my husband looked at me like I was crazy, and answered with a resounding, “NO!” No, he did not wish he had married a woman like that, because he had married the perfect woman already – me! Thus, began the conversation about the type of women men really prefer; the type of women men truly love. We discussed it on the car ride home from the grocery store – what kind of women did men truly prefer? Naughty ones? Prude ones? Conservative or liberal? Strong or meek? Easily-controlled or rather free-spirited? Tattooed or un-inked? After about a half an hour car ride home, we came up with the answer, and this one folks, is a doozy.
Christian men, real, true, God-seeking, God-honoring men, prefer the women that God has called them to love. My husband and other men, prefer the women that God has chosen for them to love and adore, whether or not they are virgins, have tattoos, or are in debt. Christian men prefer whoever God has intended for them, regardless of if she is quiet and sweet, or sassy and spicy. Godly men will love whoever God has set apart for them, whether or not she wants to be a career woman and never have kids, or a stay at home wife and mom who homeschools her kids.
God did not call Hosea to marry Gomer because she was a virgin, debt-free and didn’t have tattoos. On the contrary, God called Hosea to marry and care for her because that is what He intended; no questions asked. Gomer, a prostitute, ran from Hosea– and after running, God could’ve just told Hosea to let her go; I mean, after all, she was a prostitute, who had been selling herself for money, and Hosea had already had to buy her the first time around. However…God said, “Go again, love a woman who is loved by another man and is an adulteress, even as the Lord loves the children of Israel” (Hosea 3:1). Go again, love my daughter, no questions asked.
Godly men want whatever woman God has chosen for them, even if she is not debt-free, is covered in tattoos, and has had sex before he came into the picture.
My grandpa, who passed away a couple of years ago, was one of the godliest men I had ever known. He read through his Bible every year, pouring over the Word and memorizing verses. He attended church every Sunday, he played chauffer to some of the church-goers who needed rides to the airport or school or youth group. He prayed relentlessly, loved graciously, never spoke out of anger, and loved my grandma, his children and his grandchildren very well. So well, that he had married my grandma, despite the fact that she wasn’t a virgin when they met! In fact, she had even come from a previous marriage, where her ex-husband was mentally unstable and later committed suicide. He was a godly man, and he waited many years to meet the woman he was going to marry (he was in his mid to late 20s), and the woman God intended for him was my grandma. Despite her not being a virgin, my grandpa preferred my grandma over any woman who was, because she was the one God had intended for him – she was his perfect match.
Men will love and prefer whoever God has intended them to, because those are the women that God loves. Jesus was not chillin’ with the virgins and the non-tattooed and debt-free ladies (or even men for that reason). On the contrary, Jesus was loving and going to bat for women, despite them not being virgins, un-tattooed or debt free, such as the woman who had committed adultery in John chapter 8, or Mary Magdalene, or the woman who washed his feet in Luke chapter 7; Jesus loved every type of woman, just as we, man or woman, are called to love every type of woman, whether or not she fits the perfect mold or stereotype.
Let me tell you, when I read this article and started looking for the type of women that both men and God prefer, I did not find virgin, debt-free and tattoo-less women who stayed home and listened to all of their husband’s commands and never went to college. On the contrary…I found the opposite!
I found the Proverbs 31 woman – hello! She was a business woman! “She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.” (Proverbs 31:16) “She makes linen garments and sells them; she delivers sashes to the merchant.” (Proverbs 31:24). Nowhere in Proverbs 31 does it say that she stays at home all day and cooks and cleans for her family and husband – it says she is out and about and working her business and making money, and that men at the gates praise her husband for it! They think it’s awesome that she’s helping out the family.
Or, look at Ruth – in no way would I say she is quiet and meek. In fact, I would say she is strong and brave and fearless. Ruth was putting the moves on Boaz because she loved her family and felt that that was what God had intended to her. Even better, look at Esther. She went before a king – a king! She was prayerful and loved her people and God so much, that she was willing to go before a king and speak out of turn, despite the social construct that someone speaking to a king, let alone their husband like this, was a huge no no. Not to mention that Esther was forced to sleep with the king before she became queen and was his wife – yes, sex outside of marriage happened for Esther, and yet she was still favored and used by God.
I went to college and am in debt, but, if I wouldn’t have gone to college, I would have never met my husband. So, in some weird way, if I wouldn’t have sought an education, and wouldn’t have gone into debt, I would’ve never met and married the love of my life. Yet somehow, despite my debt, my husband preferred me over a woman who was debt-less.
When I read the article about what men “preferred”, my heart sunk a little. I read it and felt it throughout my entire being. To me, those words may have seemed a little intense. But to women who were not virgins, had tattoos, and were swimming in debt, went to college, were single moms, wanted an education, left home at 18, and did not want to be stay at home wives and moms, this article is painful. If I sit here and read it in the shoes of a woman who is anything but perfect, I hear it: Unloved. Unwanted. Undesired. Full of faults. Unworthy. Condemned. Wrong. Whore. Slut. Ugly. Rude. Bossy. Mean. Intense. Naughty.
And knowing this, knowing that these are the words that many women are feeling, is grieving. Because what women should be hearing, from Christian men AND women, is: Loved. Wanted. Desired. Faultless. Clean. Worthy. Precious. Perfect. Beautiful. Strong. Brave. Fearless. Lovely. Priceless. God looks at every woman, and says that He sees nothing but beauty and love. And let me tell you, that’s all I see too, because anything less, is not in my job description as a woman who loves the Lord.
If all men and God wanted was virgin women without tattoos and no debt, and all we had to do was achieve that to get husbands, then Jesus dying on the cross would’ve been a total waste. Last time I checked, dying on that cross released an otherworldly kind of grace, and that is the kind of grace God has used to show women everywhere that they are loved and priceless beyond belief. Because every time I see a woman who is real, raw, and honest about how she is not a virgin, or has a million tattoos, or is going to be shackled to debt forever, I see nothing but grace and humanity and God’s love.
In conclusion, no, men do not prefer women who are virgins, have no debt and do not have tattoos. Men prefer and men love, whatever woman God has intended, and that is the kind of God I want to serve.
